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  • Writer's pictureCarey PW

A Discouraged Day after Kidney Donation

Once upon a time, there was Phil and Bill.

Two kidneys working together in harmony

To filter my blood and prevent me from becoming ill.

Then one year, I decided to donate Phil to someone in need.

I underwent the knife, accepting all the risks

And from the turmoil of dialysis and kidney failure, this person was freed.

I woke up, and Phil was gone, but I felt no remorse.

My belly bloated, my abdomen sore, and my guts ceased to work.

But I kept my spirits up because to me, this other person experienced worse.

The bloating subsided, easing a lot of my pain.

But when walking, I hunched my back over and stressed my other muscles.

The strain, pulls, and tension resulted in the pain returning again.

Three weeks later, my incisions are healing well.

My energy is returning along with my desire to move.

But now this throbbing, pulled rib muscle is really giving me hell.

Three weeks later, I hoped to return to normal living.

But there’s been some setbacks.

But then again, patience is the virtue of giving.

Some days, I feel scared and discouraged.

Disappointed in my own body, my mood plummets.

But on these days, I try to rely solely on my courage.

My world is full of mixed emotions right now.

When will this back pain stop?

When will I breathe comfortably again?

When will I sleep well?

When will my vitality shine?

When can I stop needing so much help?

When will I return to me?

Note: This poem is not meant to convey that I regret my decision to donate. It is merely expressing the hardships that I experienced in my recovery. Recovery takes time after such a serious surgery, and I had some setbacks with a badly pulled rib muscle that really tormented my spirits. I wrote this poem during a low moment, but since that time, I am finally feeling better. The pulled muscle is healing, and I can move better during the day and at night. Consequently, my sleep has significantly improved.

I will follow-up with another article after I have had some more time of feeling like myself again. The plan is to also write my recipient a letter, but currently, I don’t know what to write! I appreciate everyone on social media and who is reading this blog for your support during this journey. I want to advocate for organ donation; however, I also want to share a realistic experience of it. Thus, I thought sharing my feelings during one of these down days may help someone. Thanks for reading!

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